how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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