Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
