I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
