How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize