I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
