"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
whose parrot is this?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
