So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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