Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
