final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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