did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
