He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
