Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
