Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
