No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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