a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
