Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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