Duck Duck Cougar?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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