i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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