i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
