She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
