Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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