i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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