I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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