dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize