the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
