she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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