My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
