she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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