Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He felt like a one man threesome
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize