There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
