If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am naked and annoyed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize