For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want her autograph on my taint
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
