My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
