have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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