U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
