He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
