I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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