umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
