it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
