Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Randomize
