just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Even my vagina gasped.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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