Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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