he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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