My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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