And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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