and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
