i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
