I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
