i think i have two assholes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
