they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just googled if crying burns calories
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
