Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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