How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He shit in the fireplace
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
