I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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