just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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