we're blogging at a bar
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
