Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
