I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Did I show you my penis last night?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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