Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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