I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
