We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
