I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
