Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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