just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
