You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
