I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
