this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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