I heard we made out
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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