You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
