when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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