While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
