In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
