her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
