I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
