If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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