It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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